


Looking Back

by itislacey



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, old!phan, parent!phan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-15 22:54:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9261737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itislacey/pseuds/itislacey
Summary: Dan and Phil, old and gray and in their eighties, still make the most out of life, despite some difficult changes. Told through the present and very domestic flashbacks, Dan and Phil will be together forever. Phil promised.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Feeling hella emo after reading "A Cough You Can't Shake" and by also watching those "Try not to cry" videos on YouTube, so here's the result of sad feelings.
> 
> Also, listen to "Undertale" by TobyFox when it's linked. It'll really set the mood :)

Dan had gotten used to the sounds of hospitals. Machines constantly whirring and beeping, keeping track of one’s life. It was odd, really, how some machines here could mean the difference between life and death for some people. He was just glad one of those hadn’t been hooked up to him or Phil. Yet. 

It was only a matter of time. Dan was creeping up on eighty and Phil was halfway through it. Dan could hardly believe his body had survived long enough to see 2067 with his own eyes. It was a shock when he surpassed 2043 and even 2056. Not that he was ill or in bad health, but his body was so old and worn. He never took care of it. Not in the slightest. 

Dan leaned against the wall in the hallway, tightly gripping his cane and pushing his glasses up on his nose. He never thought he would need those, either, but after hitting forty something years old, his vision began to fail him. 

_ ~ _

_ “It’s not all that bad,” Phil had said, trying to console Dan as they sat at the optometrist. “I’ve been wearing glasses for years! You’ll look good in them. I promise.”  _

_ Dan couldn’t help the blush that crept its way up Dan’s neck and rested on his cheeks. He smiled a little, and Phil leaned over and kissed his nose. “Thanks.” _

_ ~ _

“Dad!” a girl said happily, and Dan looked up, being greeted by his daughter, who had long, golden locks of hair that spilt over her shoulders. She gave Dan a hug, making sure not to squeeze too tightly. “How’s Dad?”

Dan sighed, rolling his eyes. “I still don’t like how you call both of us Dad. How will we ever know who you’re referring to?” 

Camille laughed, smiling brightly. “Take guesses? I dunno. Want me to start calling you Dan and Phil?”

“No, that’d be weird,” Dan said with a frown. “Your brother calls him Papa. Why can’t you do the same?”

“That makes him sound old.”

“Because he  _ is  _ old,” Dan reminded. 

“Hey! The walls aren’t soundproof!” Phil suddenly shouted, causing Dan and Camille to laugh.

“So he’s fine, then?” Camille asked, the smile slowly slipping off her face. She looked at Dan expectantly, hoping for good news.

“This time, yes. The doctor is almost done and then we can go in.”

Camille let out a small sigh, her shoulders slumping. “Why aren’t you in there? You shouldn’t be standing out here with your back in the shape it is. You need a chair.” 

“I’m fine, Camille.”

“Dad.”

“I promise. I’m okay. My back isn’t even hurting that much today,” Dan said truthfully. He hadn’t had a bad day in about two weeks, which was rather good. His new medicine was beginning to work wonders for him.

The door next to them opened, and the doctor stepped out, a wide smile on his face. “Mr. Lester is all good. You can go in whenever.”

“Great!” Camille said, quickly slipping by the doctor and into the room.

Dan sighed, but there was no mistaking the grin on his face. 

The doctor turned to Dan, his smile faltering. “Before I leave you, Dan, I just want to say something. This is Phil’s third doctor’s visit this month. And it’s for the same thing. He can’t keep falling like he has. I think you and him need to talk about other options.” 

The frown Dan now often sported, made a reappearance on his face. “He’s not going to a home.”

“That’s not what I meant. I think maybe your husband ought to think about using a wheelchair to get around. I’m afraid that if he falls again, he might break something. And at his age, surgery is too risky. There won’t be much we can do.”

“I understand,” Dan mumbled. “I’ll talk to him tonight.”

“Good idea. I hope I won’t have to see you again for a long time yet, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you,” Dan said, shifting weight onto his cane. He watched the doctor leave him before slowly making his way inside the room where Camille chatted happily and Phil chuckled at what she had to say. 

Phil’s eyes broke away from Camille’s and found Dan’s. Somehow, even after nearly forty-something years, Phil’s eyes had managed to stay the same, vibrant blue they were when Dan first met him, all the way back in 2009. “Hiya, Dan!”

Dan snorted, furrowing his brows. “Hey, Phil? I know you’re not drugged up this time, so don’t act so chipper.”

Phil frowned playfully, sticking out his tongue. For an eighty year old man, Phil was  _ so  _ mature. “I’m always chipper when Camille comes for a visit. She makes me happy.”

_ “Dad,”  _ Camille whined, her face turning pink. “You act like I never see you anymore.”

“I feel like I only see you at hospitals. When was the last time you came home? It’s been far too long. You should stay for a few days, yeah?” Phil looked over at Dan, eyeing him in a way that said,  _ If that’s okay? _

Dan smiled, nodding his head once. “Soon,” he said, giving Phil a  _ look.  _ They had things they needed to talk about, and both preferred to do it when their kids weren’t around. They didn’t like worrying them with things that weren’t important. 

“Maybe later this month?” Phil said then, looking back at Camille. “And you can bring your dog and boyfriend you keep hiding away from us.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Camille muttered, and Dan and Phil laughed.

“Yet,” Dan said, grinning as he caught Phil’s gaze. The both of them had said that phrase more than enough times throughout the years. It became a joke mostly. Especially after they got engaged and decided not to tell anybody.

_ ~ _

_ “Phil, come get your boyfriend!” Louise shouted over the loud music. “He’s done three too many shots, and I swear he’s about to start stripping and that’s the last thing any of us want to see.” _

_ Phil laughed, eyeing Dan from across the room. “He’s not my boyfriend!” Phil shouted. _

_ “I don’t care what he is, get him under control!” _

_ Dan giggled as Phil pulled him out of the bar and into the alley next to it. “I’m not your boyfriend,” Dan murmured, laughing as Phil kissed him lightly on the lips. _

_ “Damn right you’re not,” Phil said lowly, kissing Dan on the lips harder and slowly making his way down his neck. “Never again.” _

_ ~ _

“Nevertheless,” Phil continued, “bring him by. Dan and I would love to meet a  _ friend  _ of yours.”

Camille sighed, leaning back in her chair. “I’ll ask him about it.”

“Alright,” Dan said, carefully standing back up. “As much as I love seeing this hospital room nearly every week, I like the looks of mine at home a lot better. Phil, let’s get out of here.”

Phil clicked his tongue, tossing the thin bed sheet off of him. “I agree.”

Camille was quick to Phil’s bedside, helping him out of the bed and handing him his walker. The tennis balls on the bottom were falling apart, and Dan made a mental note to get those changed if Phil decided he didn’t want to use a wheelchair.

Their daughter walked them to a cab, and kissed both of them on the cheeks before saying bye. Dan really hoped she would stop by soon. He needed to call her brother and ask him to come down as well. He hadn’t seen him since Christmas. 

Inside the cab, Phil leaned against Dan and rested his head on Dan’s shoulder. “I really miss them,” he said quietly. “I don’t like them only visiting when something happens to one of us.”

“I know,” Dan murmured, grabbing Phil’s hand and running his thumb in circles over the small bumps. He couldn’t remember when Phil’s hands began to wrinkle up and get lumpy, but he couldn’t quite remember when his began doing the same, either. “I would have asked her to stay tonight but you and I need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk, Dan.”

“Neither do I, Phil, believe me, but we have been putting this off too long. I know that’s who we are, but it’s time to act our age for at least an hour.” 

Phil chuckled at that. “What even is our age? I lost count after thirty.” 

“Hmm, I think it’s twenty-something. It’s hard to tell.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Phil said, and they both laughed, Dan shaking his head. “How about we make some tea and we can sit and chat, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan replied, tilting his head so it rested on top of Phil’s. 

They rode home the rest of the way in silence, knowing that when they got settled, the quiet wouldn’t return for quite sometime.

~

_ “When was the last time we even heard silence?” Dan groaned, falling face first into the mattress next to Phil.  _

_ Phil chuckled, reaching over and running his hand through Dan’s curly hair. He hadn’t seen it straight in so long. “I don’t think you hear silence, Dan.”  _

_ “You know what I meant. Don’t play with my hair, it’s gross.”  _

_ “It’s fine.”  _

_ “Is it bad I can’t even remember the last time I showered? The kids smell better than me, and Jacob covered himself in peanut butter today.” _

_ Phil laughed, trying to keep it down so he didn’t wake the kids. He heard Dan having a hell of a time trying to get them to go to sleep and be quiet, and he didn’t want to ruin all his hard work. Tonight was Dan’s night to bathe them and put them to bed. “You can go take a shower now, if you want. I’ll wait up for you.” _

_ “You don’t have to do that,” Dan said, turning his head so he was facing Phil. “Go to sleep. I’m sure you’re exhausted.” _

_ “I think we both are, Dan.” Phil closed his book and took off his glasses, setting them on the table beside the bed. “I love Camille and Jacob to death, but the silence is nice.” _

_ “Mmm,” Dan hummed, eyes slipping shut as he listened to Phil’s breathing and nothing else. He agreed, about loving his two kids with everything. But sometimes, they just needed a little peace and quiet. _

_ ~  _

Oddly enough, Dan and Phil found themselves in Jacob’s old bedroom down the hall. They didn’t go into the kid’s rooms much anymore, mostly because there was no reason to. But tonight, Dan and Phil had been feeling a little sad about their kids. 

“I know they’ve been moved out for so long, but it feels like they just did it last week,” Phil said, looking around the bland room. It once used to be painted deep blue with planet stickers stuck to the wall, but Jacob grew out of that phase by sixteen, and so they painted the walls eggshell. That’s what they were looking at right now.

“I know the feeling,” Dan said, shifting backwards on the bed and leaning against the wall. “How did they grow up so fast?”

Phil let out a soft snort. “How did  _ we  _ grow up so fast?”

“I have no idea,” Dan said. “Sometimes I still have trouble believing the year on the calendar in the kitchen.”

“You mean to tell me it’s not 2015 and we didn’t just finish writing our book?”

Dan rolled his eyes, sitting up and wrapping Phil in his arms. “If only we were that young,” he murmured. “Walkers and canes are getting old.”

“Maybe we should get one of those hoverboards that were popular back in 2016 to get around.”

“Phil, you would fall instantly and smash your face into the ground. I don’t think so.” 

“Relax, it’s only a suggestion.”

Dan sighed.  _ Here goes nothing.  _ “Speaking of suggestions . . .  Doctor Miller told me of one today.”

“If it’s the same one he told me, then . . .”

“Then?” Dan prompted, kissing Phil lightly on the neck.

“I think we should follow through on it,” Phil said quietly. “I don’t - I don’t want to fall again and this time be my last.”

“I don’t either,” Dan murmured. “I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t imagine -”

“Dan, don’t,” Phil said sternly, turning his head to look at Dan. “I’m fine. We’re both fine, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan whispered, feeling his throat tighten just a bit. 

“Hey.” Phil shuffled out of Dan’s arms, turning to face him. He placed both hands on either shoulder, looking into his brown eyes. “It’s only a wheelchair, Dan. I’m not going to kick the bucket just yet.” 

Dan looked at Phil’s blue irises, knowing if he didn’t stop soon, he would get lost in them.

_ “You could go swimming in those eyes,” he once told Phil.  _

“But-”

“Dan, shut up,” Phil said, smiling and leaning in to kiss him softly. “If anything, the wheelchair will extend my life. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. Even if one of us were, the other wouldn’t be far behind.”

Dan looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean by that?”

“Our lives are bound. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it.” Phil lifted Dan’s hand and placed it on his chest. “I’m convinced our hearts beat as one. When one gives out, the other will, too, because it doesn’t have one to keep in sync with anymore. We won’t have to live long without each other, Dan. I told you this years and years ago.”

It was thirty-six, to be exact. But it wasn’t that particular conversation that came to mind. It was the one before it.

~ 

_ “Phil, I actually hate you,” Dan whined, looking up at the dark sky as rain poured down. He told Phil it was going to storm, and Phil insisted they go to the park anyway. _

_ “I’m sure you do,” Phil said, rolling his eyes and grabbing Dan’s wrists, pulling him close to his chest. “Let me make it up to you.” _

_ “I don’t think you can. If anyone sees me with my curls, I’m divorcing you.” _

_ “All bark and no bite,” Phil chuckled, beginning to sway him and Dan back and forth.  _

_ “Are you trying to slow dance with me, Lester?” _

_ “I believe I am, Lester,” Phil replied, pressing his lips into a thin line to contain his laughter.  _

_ “There’s no music.” _

_ “I’m aware.”  _

_ “You can’t dance without music,” Dan said, pulling away from Phil. “Luckily, I can help with that.” Dan took out his phone, glad he bought a waterproof case for it, and scrolled through his songs until he got to the letter U. He clicked play, turning up the volume so it could be heard over the downpour of rain.  _

_ “Is this . . . Dan!” Phil laughed as they swayed back and forth. “This is [Undertale](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBhFHJMVfiI&list=PLpJl5XaLHtLX-pDk4kctGxtF4nq6BIyjg&index=71), isn’t it?” _

_ Dan blushed. “Maybe.” _

_ “I haven’t this since our wedding. Why did we make this our song again?” _

_ Dan snorted, shaking his head to the side to move his hair from his eyes. “Because. We had an adventure to endure. Just like Toto. And we still do. Our journey isn’t over yet.”  _

_ “Oh, that’s right. I did promise to go on an adventure with you, didn’t I?” _

_ “Actually shut up, Phil,” Dan said, a smile never leaving his lips.  _

_ They danced in the rain, stealing wet kisses and goofy smiles. They danced until the rain stopped, and they danced long after. But time didn’t matter to them. They had all of it they could possibly need. _

_ ~ _

Phil was insistent that they try out his new wheelchair, so he made Dan take him to the museum. 

“It’s not a new car, Phil. It’s a  _ wheelchair.  _ How is this exciting?” 

“How is it not? You get to push me around and I don’t have to do a strenuous thing.”

Dan frowned. “You can wheel yourself, you know. Your arms still work.”

“Hold on, let me wheel myself down some stairs to disprove your theory.”

“Phil! Not funny.”

“Oh hush, Dan. I’d never be that daring, anyway.”

Dan sighed, pushing Phil along the smooth, marble flooring of the museum. They had been here once before, years and years ago with Phil’s parents. It was a nice time, that day. “Anything particular you want to see, or can we go home and watch game shows like most old people do?”

“I don’t know why you want to pretend to be old, Dan. So eager to grow up?”

“You know, just because you say we’re not old, doesn’t mean it’s true. My bones remind me every time I move of my real age.”

“Age is but a number. If you ignore it, it’s not there.”

“Nice thinking, Phil,” Dan said jokingly, pushing him along the corridor. He remembers the last time he had to push Phil in a wheelchair. Fifty-two years ago.

~

_ “I want to feel like I’m Lightning McQueen. Push me faster!” _

_ “Lightning McQueen? Really? Phil, if we go any faster, I’m sure I’ll trip over the back wheel here and you’ll hit something and go flying from you chair. Don’t be the reason new wheelchairs come with seatbelts. Please.” _

_ Phil laughed loudly at that. “Wouldn’t that be something to be known for?” _

_ “Yes, forget Dan and Phil’s: The Amazing Tour is Not on Fire, or even our hosting of popular award shows, but remember why all you old folk and injured people have to wear seatbelts while using a wheelchair.” Dan looked down at Phil’s leg, encased in a bright green cast.  _

_ “At least people won’t forget how I broke my leg.” _

_ “You mean by tripping into the giant ice sculpture at the after party of the Brits and having it come crashing down onto your leg?” _

_ “Exactly.” _

_ “Only you,” Dan said, shaking his head in amusement. _

_ “Only me.”  _

_ ~ _

“Finally, the kids come home!” Phil cheered, opening his arms wide to hug his kids. Dan stood next to him, looking down at the smile on his face as he hugged their children. Nothing made Phil happier than his kids. Well, aside from Dan, that is.

“Hi, Dad,” Jacob said, reaching out to Dan and pulling him into a hug. 

“Hey, kiddo.”

“New wheels, eh? Looking good, Dad,” Camille said, running her fingers over the smooth handles of the wheelchair. 

Phil frowned, shooting Camille a look. “Still won’t call me Papa? Or even Pops?”

“Nah, that’s for old people.”

Dan laughed quietly to himself. Camille and Phil were so alike, it was almost scary. Of course the kids weren’t biologically theirs, but they shared similar attitudes from being raised from infants to adults.

“Let’s go inside and make some hot-chocolate,” Phil said, reaching for the wheels on his chair when Dan suddenly gripped the handles. He preferred to push Phil  _ everywhere.  _

_ ~ _

_ “For my own reasons,” Dan told him. _

_ “Dan, using my arms won’t kill me faster. I can wheel myself sometimes. It’s okay.” But Phil let him do what he wanted, only to make him feel better. _

_ ~ _

“What, no tea?” Jacob asked. It was usually always tea. Given it was a little cold out, his dads always suggested a cup of hot tea and some biscuits. 

“Tea is for old people,” Phil said, letting Dan wheel him in the house, following close behind his kids. 

~

_ Dan walked into the kid’s playroom when he saw packets of marshmallows torn open, and actual marshmallows littered across the room. “What the h-” _

_ “Chubby bunny!” Phil said loudly, just before Dan could finish saying Hell. Phil had a strict “no profanity” rule for the kids, and though Dan tried to follow it the best he could, sometimes Phil wasn’t always there to stop him.  _

_ “Phil,” Dan said, bending down and picking up a marshmallow. “You can’t play chubby bunny with mini marshmallows, you nerd!” _

_ “What do you suggest?” _

_ “Maybe marshmallows that are slightly bigger and actually restrict the ability to talk.” _

_ “And block airways? No thank you.” _

_ Dan didn’t bother telling him that mini marshmallows were easier to choke on. He didn’t want to suck the fun out of things, like he tended to do. As long as he and Phil were with the kids and monitoring them, they should be fine. _

_ “Daddy! Come play,” Camille said, patting the floor between her and Jacob. “Daddy was just showing us how to play.” _

_ Dan strode across the room and sat down, looking at Phil intently. “Well, are you going to tell me how to play?” _

_ Phil rolled his eyes, which seemed to be a common action between the two. “Shove marshmallows in your mouth and say, ‘chubby bunny.’ That’s it.” _

_ “So, like.” Dan grabbed a packet of marshmallows and shoved half the bag into his mouth, most of them falling to the floor. The kids laughed and squealed, and Phil only stared at him with a waiting smile on his face. “Chuuubbbaaay bunnnnnaay,” Dan said, the word barely audible with his mouth stuffed so full.  _

_ Phil laughed, throwing a stray marshmallow at Dan’s face and hitting him in the nose. Dan spit most of them out, but continued to chew and swallow the ones already inside his cheeks. “You have a little something there,” Phil said, pointing at Dan. _

_ “Where?” _

_ Phil leaned across the space between them and kissing his lips, licking the bits of marshmallow that stuck. “There.” _

_ “Ew!” the kids squealed, grabbing the marshmallows and running from the room.  _

_ Dan and Phil laughed, collapsing in the piles of marshmallows on the floor.  _

_ “Why are there so many?” Dan asked, eyeing Phil. _

_ “Honestly, I don’t even know.”  _

_ ~ _

“God, when was the last time we had sex?” Dan asked into the darkness, Phil’s snort nearly scaring him to death. He didn’t mean to voice his thoughts so openly, but . . . Oh well. 

“Are you trying to tell me something, Dan?”

“No, I’m just saying.”

“It’s been a while, I know that. I don’t think our bodies could handle it these days.”

“Yeah . . .” Dan said, trailing off. “I bet I could give you the most mind-blowing orgasm, and your heart would beat so fast, you’d go into cardiac arrest and die.”

Phil laughed, swatting at Dan. “Stop! There’s no way you would tell anyone the reason behind my death.”

“Your grave would say it all: Philip Michael Lester, eighty-two, father and husband, mind blowing orgasm.”

“Dan, stop!” Phil groaned. It was a little dark, but Dan bet anything Phil’s face was the same shade of a tomato. “I can’t believe you think you could give me an orgasm that good.”

“Is that a challenge?” 

“Hell no,” Phil snorted. 

Dan chuckled, wrapping his arms around Phil and pulling him close. He buried his head into his neck, breathing in his scent. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Phil murmured, raking his fingers through Dan’s gray hair. He would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the brown, but as long as the color of Dan’s eyes never changed, he could deal with the color of his hair.

“Phil?” 

“Yes?”

“Please don’t ever leave me.”

“I would never,” Phil said. 

“Promise?”

“Promise.” 


End file.
